


Try To Break Me

by orphan_account



Category: Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-30
Updated: 2014-06-30
Packaged: 2018-02-06 21:37:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1873359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Chasm scene from Christina's point of view. Eric can force her to hang over death, but he can never break her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Try To Break Me

     "Climb over it."

     I look at Eric after he pushes me into the railing and try to look unaffected by it, when really, my heart is beating so fast I'm surprised he doesn't hear it. "What?" I say coolly, as if I don't think he won't make me do it. In reality, I know he will. He's Eric. Brutal and cold.

     "Climb over the railing." He says this as if I were a slow child, a child that needed to hear each word individually to understand.

     I suck in my breath and then let it out. I don't want to do this. I don't want to die.

     "If you can hang over the chasm for five minutes, I will forget your cowardice. If you can't, I will not allow you to continue initiation."

     I want to cry at this. I don't want to die. I don't want to be factionless. Which is worse? Death, or being an outcast? I don't know, I don't know. All I know is that I have to try.

     "Fine," I try to say it calmly, as if I'm not about to pass out from fear, as if I'm not feeling like a little girl who wants to crawl into her mommy's lap and cry, but it comes out shaky. I turn to the railing and blink away tears. I throw one leg over the railing and try not to look at anything other than my feet. I grab onto the railing and hold on tight, before letting my feet slip out from under me. I try to keep my breathing normal paced. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Breathe, breathe.

     It's a few minutes in when a cold splash of water covers me, and I cry out. Suddenly I'm cold and shivering, and I can feel my fingers slipping. I struggle to hang on. I know that death is near, I can almost feel it overpowering me, trying to pry my fingers from the rail. Trying to surround me and bring it into the dark with its cold, dark hands. But I don't see my life flash before my eyes, like they say you do in old legends. I don't feel anything, other than cold fear. I know these could be my last moments. What would Eric say when I turned up dead? Would he ridicule me for being weak? Or would he paste on some beloved leader's face and commend me for my bravery? I don't know, I don't know . . .

     I feel a sob rip through my body, and I hate myself for it. Crying means weakness, and I am no weakling. I try to make that my new motto. Christina is no weakling, Christina is no weakling . . . But all I can think of is, "What if I fall? Will my death be painful?"

     The wall of water hits me again, and my pinkie slips. I'm now holding on by four fingers. Desperation claws inside of me, like a wild animal, demanding to be released. I have to stay calm . . . I have to keep myself from panicking. Panic kills people. Panic will kill me.

     "Come on, Christina." I hear Al say this. Gratitude fills me. I need that. I need encouragement. Keep going, Al. Please. He claps. "Come on, grab it again. You can do it. Grab it." So I do it. I swing my arm around, fumbling for the rail. No one says anything, though Al shouts. At first I think I must be falling, and just don't realize it yet. Then I realize it must be encouragement.

     "One minute left!" I hear Tris say. My breathing becomes quick now. One minute. I have to hang on for one minute. I can do it. I can, I can. I grab onto the railing, and breathe a sigh of relief. I'm going to be okay. I will.

     "Come on, Christina!" I hear both Al and Tris this time. Another wave of water hits me, and I slip. I hear Tris scream my name. I catch myself before tumbling to my death. I won't die. Not after hanging on this long.

     And then I hear it. The thing I've been dying - no pun intended - to hear five minutes ago. "Five minutes are up." Al snarls. I've never heard him say anything with so much venom behind it, that it almost shocks me. But after this, not much can. I'm numb.

     Nothing is said for a good fifteen seconds, and I begin to panic. Why isn't anyone saying anything? Why? And then I hear Eric's disgusting voice. "Fine. You can come up now, Christina." I hear Al walking over to me, when Eric stops him. "No, she has to do it on her own." My heart drops. I can't. I'm too weak. I'm too cold. I can't get up there myself.

     "No, she doesn't. She did what you said. She's not a coward. She did what you said." Al growls.

     Eric says nothing as Al lifts me over the railing, as if I were nothing but a baby. Tris runs over to help. They kneel next to me, and we look at each other in the eyes. I feel like I've been holding my breath for five minutes, and they seem to feel that way too. We all breathe as one, and I finally close my eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! You can find me on tumblr as rnellark-everdeen.


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